Now and Forever
by TanteKJ
Summary: Beverly seeks solace in the aftermath of her experience with the Ullians. Post-ep for "Violations"


Disclaimer: I don't own ST:TNG or any of its characters

Heavy footfalls echoed off the sterile walls.

The cold touched her hands and face, the back or her medical mind registering how odd it was that the morgue's environmental controls still chilled the air. After all, what the hell was stasis for?

All thoughts of the temperature left her mind as her eyes fell on the gurney before her.

"You shouldn't remember him like this."

"I have to face the fact that he's gone."

He gazed upon her for a beat before reaching for the white sheet and -

"NO!"

Her scream brought her out of her dream, her eyes flying open as she found herself in her bed in her quarters on the Enterprise.

The nightmare had visited her again.

It took several minutes for her breathing to calm down. Sweat drenched her brow and her throat was dry.

A shaking hand reached for the comm panel next to her bed. Her finger hovered over the intercom button, her skin barely grazing the surface before she pulled it back again.

"No." She whispered. "Computer, lights. 50%."

Rising from her bed, Beverly tore the sweat soaked nightclothes from her body and prepared for another sleepless night.

Jean-Luc placed the PADD on his desktop with a less than steady hand. The details revealed in the report he'd just read made him sick to his stomach.

Beverly's report of their experience with the Ullians had been the last one he'd read. Once he'd had to force himself to read.

To know first-hand what Jev had done to her; that he'd manipulated her memory is such a way…

Forcing himself to focus, Picard asked the computer for the time. He rose from his chair at the response and began breakfast preparations.

She'd be there soon.

Jean-Luc had just placed the tea pot on the table when his door chimed.

"Come."

"Good morning." Beverly greeted as she entered his quarters.

"Morning." He returned softly. He watched her as she crossed the room to sit down at the table, a slight frown tugging at his face.

"Beverly? Are you alright?"

"Of course." She answered. "Why?"

"You seem to be limping slightly."

"Oh." She said, with a somewhat embarrassed smile. "Yes. I…couldn't sleep last night so I pulled up one of my more advanced dance classes on the Holodeck. I'm afraid I overdid it a bit."

Jean-Luc nodded, forcing a smile. It wasn't like Beverly to overdue do it with one of *her* programs, but he decided not to pursue the issue.

"So, "she began, "what's on the menu this morning?"

Joining her at the table, Jean-Luc shared what he had prepared, the two of them eating in companionable silence for several minutes.

His eyes found hers as she suddenly leaned back against her chair and sighed.

"Beverly?"

She shook her head.

"I'm fine." She answered. "Just tired."

He decided to take the opening he wasn't sure she'd given him.

"How long were you on the holodeck last night?"

"I…I really don't know." Beverly answered.

"Oh." He returned, not really knowing what to say.

Suppressing a sigh, Beverly reached for her teacup and forced a smile for Jean-Luc.

"So…" Jean-Luc began, breaking the silence. "Dancing again, huh?"

Taking a large sip of her tea, Beverly nodded as she took her time swallowing it.

"What inspired that?" He asked.

"I've been dancing for the better part of 30 years, Jean-Luc." She snapped back.

Struck by her tone, Jean-Luc dropped back a bit.

"My apologies." He said. "I know you don't like your prowess on the dance floor to be common knowledge, but – "

"No." She said, cutting him off. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm just tired."

"You know, that's the second time you've mentioned being tired. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

"No." She answered a little too quickly.

He said nothing, simply nodded his head.

Silence befell the pair again, though this time with an edge of tension to it.

He reached for the tea pot under the pretense of freshening his cup but was in reality using the movements required to really study Beverly's appearance.

He saw the dark smudges under eyes, noticed the tension in her shoulders that had nothing to do with whatever she'd done on the Holodeck.

He wondered if…

"Beverly?" He said quietly.

"Yes?" She said, looking at him.

"I read your report." He admitted softly.

Her eyes fell to her lap, her hair falling forward to cover her features.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

She nodded slightly, eyes still focused on her lap.

"Are…are you alright?"

Her heart twisted in her chest. She knew what he was asking; knew when he said he was sorry that he was sorry for everything. For what she'd been through. For not being able to help. For allowing those damned Ullians on board…for leading the mission…

Drawing a deep breath in through her nostrils, Beverly steeled herself, raised her head, and met Jean-Luc's eyes.

"I still speak with the counselors from the Ullian homeworld. They've been very helpful, very compassionate."

He nodded. He'd suspected she was still in communication with the counselor Tarmin had arranged as talking to Deanna wasn't an option since she was recovering herself.

"I'm glad the advice is helpful."

He regretted the words as soon as he spoke them.

"Beverly, I'm so sorry. I never should have said – "

"Damnit, stop apologizing!"

She bolted to her feet and moved towards the window.

"Just stop." She whispered.

His movements were slow, his breathing methodical, as he moved to stand a few paces behind her.

"I'm here."

His whisper was a soft breeze playing in her hair.

"Jean-Luc."

It was a plea.

He walked until he was standing before her and faced her. A lone tear was leaving a salty trail down her cheek.

"Why did he have to use Jack? Use you?"

"I don't know." He replied softly, knowing she hadn't asked the Ullian counselor the question she'd just asked him.

Her reserves broke then but he caught her before she could fall.

Strong arms held her as the tears she hadn't allowed tore from her body.

"Beverly?" He began as she began to calm. "You've been having nightmares."

It should have been a question but it wasn't. Not from him. Not to her. Not after what they had both been through.

"How did you know?" She asked needlessly.

"The Borg."

She swallowed hard and nodded.

She'd read his report.

"What do I do?" She asked.

Steeling himself, Jean-Luc gently cupped her face in his hand, met her gaze and, with a conviction she'd never heard before, said, "You go on."

"Like you did." She allowed.

"Like I did." He agreed.

A shadow of a smile crossed her features then. Her hands raised and covered his where they still lay against her cheeks.

"Thank you." She whispered.

He smiled at her as he slowly lifted his hands from her cheeks, turning them so that he could slide his warm fingers over hers. He gave both hands a gentle squeeze before moving and enveloping her in a warm hug.

"I'm here." He said.

She nodded against his shoulder and held him tightly.

"You're here now." She said softly.

Yes, He thought. Here now.

And forever.


End file.
